I for one have tended to try and block out the graffiti that is so much a part of the cityscape of Lisbon these days. Much of it is mindless ugly scrawl, however some is impressively artistic, and an even smaller proportion carries more meaningful messages.

This video made me think about graffiti in a new way:

The Cape of Good Hope

But MORE it made me think about what I allow to pass by my eyes without any real mental engagement on my part.

It called me to question how involved and engaged I really am with the culture in which I live. I too am guilty of glossing over media headlines, becoming immune and unwilling to engage.

And this concerns me. In the early days of living somewhere new it can feel as though we are completely over-stimulated by all that is new. All that needs to be absorbed and understood in order to build the familiarity that enables us to function normally.

But then I wonder, when did I begin to close my eyes again? When the messages were no longer so pleasing, when the perspectives were not what I wanted to think about my environment?

These messages – whether they are from press headlines, news items or graffiti bound buildings give valuable insights to the local culture and perspectives.

Does being a foreigner mean we are more or less exposed and aware of our surroundings?

• What messages do you pull regularly from your local environment?
• What new perspectives and understanding do you gain?
• How does this help you to live a more involved life in your new community?
• Or do you reside in an expatriate bubble?

Leave a comment and if you have a headline or a picture of some local graffiti that has had an impact on you then email hidden; JavaScript is required, tell me what it meant to you, and I will include it in the next blog.

The people responding to the survey were Senior HR or mobility professionals. Compared to previous years this survey was considerably more upbeat with over 61% of respondents saying that they expected to see an increase in assignment numbers over the coming year.

What about cultural and family issues?

My specific interest was the provision of the “soft expatriate support services”: support to partners and families.

The number of assignments that are incomplete due to early return fell from the historical average of 7% to 6%. However the top reason for early return continues to be family concerns, cited by 43% of the respondents. This was followed by returning early to take up new positions 22% and early project completion 21%.

Respondents reported that the following forms of family and partner support were provided by their organisations:

• Language training for the partner – 75%
• Educational training and assistance – 32%
• Employer search or job finding fees – 32%
• Sponsored work permits – 32%
• Lump sum allowance – 31%
• Career planning assistance – 30%
• Reimbursement for career enhancement activities – 17%
• Identify volunteer activities, find support networks – 16%
• Club memberships – 16%
• No support is provided – 8%
• Compensation for partners lost income – 1%
• Other – 6%

Cross-cultural training pre-relocation was offered by 74% of companies, 49% provided this support to the whole family. However only 25% of organisations made cross-cultural training and preparation mandatory.

Organisations recognised the most critical family challenges as being:

1. Partner resistance – 47%
2. Family adjustment – 32%
3. Children’ education – 29%
4. Location difficulties – 25%
5. Cultural adjustment – 14%
6. Partners career – 12%
7. Inability to speak the language – 12%
8. Need to support other dependant members – 4%

How do these statistics compare to your experience of partner, family and cross-cultural training support?

In 2002, I conducted a survey in Portugal amongst the expatriates in relation to organisational support and the expectations that people had of that support. You can read more about that research here.

The research found a link between organisational support and expatriates’ general adjustment.

So support assists in adjustment to a new life abroad but as the Brookfield report shows it is not provided extensively to families and partners.

I wonder whether this is because the needs of partners and families can vary extensively and it is very difficult for an organisation to cater for every variety of need.

So perhaps the onus lies on us, the partners and the families to be proactive! To identify more clearly our own needs and then from that understanding to seek to influence where we can.

To research and understand the potential challenges and issues that we will face in a new location and then decide:

• What support would be helpful to my family and me?
• What support would not be necessary?
• What matters to me most and what does not?

And therefore:

• What do I want to influence and change about the support provided to me?

The cost of a two-year assignment is estimated to be equal to five times the expatriate employees annual salary. This is quite an investment, in order to generate the best return, spending tight budgets in a focused, needs driven and responsible way has to be attractive to organisations.

The reaction to the recognition that family concerns can have a negative impact on assignment success has been slow BUT perhaps we can speed this process up by being clearer and better at influencing. Organisations are keen to move to more flexible expatriate provisions – time to make the most of these provisions persuasively.

Or am I being far too optimistic? I would love to hear your views!

As I listened and as someone who enjoys the work I do (yes really!) I was hit when he said the following:

• We make very poor use of our talents.
• People go through life thinking they are not good at anything.
• People don’t even enjoy what they do – they endure it waiting for the weekend.

He later went on to say that education should be about: “passion and what excites our spirit and energy”.

Now, I’m not sure I totally agree with his overall rather scathing view of the current educational systems. However, it did make me stop and think about my children and the importance of nurturing their interests and passions, their strengths and talents. I also thought, “its not just education that should be about passion and what excites our spirit and energy, but LIFE”.

Living abroad and the travel opportunities and new experiences that this entails means that we are able to enjoy the pure excitement of discovering a new location, the thrill of new experiences and challenge. We hopefully do enjoy experiences that excite our spirits and give us energy.

However, we can also experience the lows, the loneliness, the challenge of creating and developing a new life, of fitting in and building a new social life.

Freud was once asked to expound on what he felt were the most important constituents of life. He said: “love and work”. For those of us who are accompanying our employed partners abroad our work often becomes our family and the whole process of relocating, settling in and all that is associated with the move. As we all know this can absolutely be a full-time job – for a while.

Our initial days in a new location are about creating security for ourselves and our loved ones, learning the basics to survive in our new location. Then we spend time building important new networks of friends and contacts, of creating some sense of normality and routine. As we do this we may take up new challenges, sports, club memberships, we may volunteer and so we manage to “fill our time”.

For some this is meaningful work enough, for others over time they begin to wonder:

• “But what about me”
• “What else is there, can there be for me?”

From a personal perspective, my family gives me meaning. They are my priority – the most important thing to me in the world. But after them there is “me”! I want to use my strengths and talents to be something other (note I didn’t say more!) than their mum.

My journey has been a long one and is still continuing! Yes, I can hear a few sighs from friends and family there BUT what keeps me going and means I am sitting here typing this, rather than being outside on this beautiful day, is that I enjoy/love/am inspired by what I do. I have found something that is meaningful and a passion to me.

How about you? When the alarm clock rings in the morning, do you groan and turn over wishing it were the weekend or some other day OR do you jump out of bed excited and enthusiastic by what the day holds for you?

If you find yourself to be the former then consider these three things:

1. What are your strengths and talents, the things that energise and excite you?
2. What do you LOVE to do? Go on, there must be a few!
3. What opportunities exist to utilise 1) and 2) on a regular day-by-day basis?

In 2010 over 200 million people were living abroad. Relocation stories featured regularly in the media often represent the extremes of these statistics, the plights of economic or political migrants and asylum seekers, retirees who relocate abroad to what they hope will be ‘retirement paradise’ only to experience ‘retirement hell’, or expatriate ‘high flyers’ who move abroad to live the high life in tax havens around the world.

Then there are the rest, people like you and me! We moved abroad to support our partners and their international career; a wonderful opportunity to experience life in different countries and cultures and perhaps exciting, challenging and very positive but also sometimes overwhelming and isolating. What was your experience of your transition process? How easy was it to adapt, and how does your experience compare to the experience of the people who contributed to my survey?

The Purpose of the Survey

The purpose of the survey was to develop a deeper understanding of the experiences of the accompanying partners as they adapted to life in a new country. Questions were centred around two themes:

1. What helped and hindered people in their adaptation process.
2. What forms of support did they feel would help them better adapt –the next time!

This survey was completed in the summer of 2010. Eighty one participants started the survey with seventy two completing it, giving an eight nine percentage completion rate. Below I outline the five key findings from the survey.

Five Key Findings:

1. How Comfortable and Well Adjusted Did People Feel to Their New Environment?

Participant’s time in their new locations varied from three months or less to two years or more, with over 56% having lived in their current environment for more than twenty four months. In response to the statement ‘I feel comfortable and well adjusted to the new environment’ 56.8% of participants agreed or agreed strongly. 26.3% said that they felt neutral and 17.6% said that they did not feel comfortable or well adjusted.

Intuitively it would seem to make sense to suggest that with time comes better adaptation and comfort in a new environment. However culture shock theory and the experience of many expatriates suggests that following an initial period of euphoria often referred to as the ‘honeymoon period’ people will go through a period of distress, feeling negative about the new culture and feeling a sense of sadness for what they have left behind.

In this study it was interesting to see that in the initial few months abroad some people do feel quite comfortable with 42.9% saying that they agreed or agreed strongly to the statement “I feel comfortable and well adjusted to the new environment”. This is more than during the 3 – 6 month and 7 – 12 month periods. So perhaps for some, the Honeymoon phase did create a sense of initial positivity, which for some others disappeared in later months. After year one more people felt comfortable and well adjusted – 58.4% and 70% after two years. It seems that time does help the adaptation process.

Time brings familiarity and this in turn perhaps helps people to feel comfortable. However, sometimes familiarity brings the opposite, a sense of knowing that this will never be right. At these points it is good to be able to make a positive decision to move on. As one participant wrote in answer to the question ‘what would make your level of comfort and adaptation higher’?

“Leaving, moving on!”

2. Does a Move Abroad Bring Happiness?

In answer to the question “How happy are you with your life abroad currently?

For the majority it seems that a life abroad does bring happiness with 62.9% reporting that they were happy or very happy. A further 21.4% reported that they were neutral about their level of happiness however 15.8% said that they were unhappy or very unhappy. However, as with adaptation the level of happiness did seem to be related to the time in the new location, with the 7 to 12 month period receiving the most negative responses, all eight participants saying that they felt, neutral, unhappy or very unhappy.

3. What factors inhibited Adaptation?

Over half of the participants agreed/agreed strongly that the following four factors inhibited their adaptation:

1. Language problems.
2. Administrative and bureaucratic issues.
3. Feelings of loneliness and isolation.
4. Lack of purpose and direction.

Over half of the participants disagreed/disagreed strongly that the following four factors inhibited their adaptation:

1. Problems filling time.
2. Children not settling easily.
3. Financial difficulties
4. Feeling that the move was a mistake.

In response to the unprompted question “what would make your level of adjustment and comfort higher” the most popular responses were:

1. Language – greater proficiency so better able to communicate, 22 people wrote this.
2. Friends, better social connections and community support, 16 people mentioned a desire for this.
3. Employment or opportunities to do volunteer work – 11 people mentioned this.

4. What helped people most in their adaptation periods.

People were asked to provide their own answers to the question;

“What helped you most in making your moves abroad?” The answers fell broadly into the following categories:

Social Aspects:

Social aspects of creating a new life abroad were seen to be of huge importance. There was a mixture of responses in this respect but overall they showed a recognition of the need and value of new friendships and social networks.

In this respect various methods were employed to form new friendships and social networks ranging from, joining expatriate clubs and women’s groups, embassies to drawing on support from colleagues in the new local environment and also on-line in terms of finding people with similar experiences through facebook, skype and so on. As one person said;

“it is important to get to know people as soon as possible and get involved in activities and integrate in the society”

Attitudes:

Many people referred to the attitude that they employed as being key, suggesting that it key in helping them adapt and build new lives in their new locations.

People cited the following as helping:

• Possessing a sense of adventure.
• Being self determined.
• Being sociable.
• Having an open mind.
• Staying positive and attacking issues actively.
• Possessing a positive attitude.
• Recognising a personal motivation for the experience “I really wanted the experience for myself”.
• Preparing a personal matrix to ensure that the decision was both practical and met emotional needs

Partners/family support:

Seven people mentioned how important it was to them to have their partners support and understanding. Eight people mentioned friends and family back home and how their support helped them, including their visits to them in their new locations.

Understanding the local culture, speaking the language:

Five people referred to the benefit of either having learnt the language prior to relocating OR on arrival. This is in contrast to the number of people who recognised language difficulties as one of the greatest inhibitors to their adaptation.

The emphasis given to language difficulties by participants, and the desire for a greater proficiency in their target language indicates that more focus is needed on building language ability when relocating.

Studying culture shock and receiving cross cultural training was mentioned by four participants. Four other participants talked about the importance of research, how their love for the country helped them and how managing their own expectations had a positive impact.

Relocation Agents:

It seems that where this form of support is provided and provided well it is recognised as a great benefit, five people referred to the positive impact the support provided by their relocation agents had on their relocation experience, one describing theirs as ‘fantastic’.

5. What sources of support and assistance would be helpful when relocating?

There is no doubt that people would welcome support when relocating. People were asked to rate the ‘helpfulness’ of fourteen forms of support, listed below. Overall 71.23% agreed/strongly agreed that these forms of support would be helpful.

The forms of support participants would find most helpful – with 70% or above of participants answering that they agreed/strongly agreed that this support would be helpful were:

• Language training
• Cross cultural information and strategies.
• Networking support and strategies.
• Help in building a new social life.
• On-line support and information re relocation experience and process.
• Practical relocation assistance, housing, removal and bureaucracy.
• Country specific practical information.
• Country specific cultural information.

The areas of least agreement regarding the helpfulness of the support suggested were:

Financial planning assistance – 47.2% agreed/strongly agreed helpful.

School selection assistance – 54.5% agreed/strongly agreed helpful.

Support family/support adaptation process – 53.8% agreed/strongly agreed helpful.

Stress management support – 44.4% agreed/strongly agreed helpful.

These still represented relatively high percentages in favour of these forms of support. It seems that for the majority of accompanying partners who relocate to live abroad more support in a variety of areas would be greatly welcomed.

Please leave your comments and share how well these findings reflect your experience. What additional support would you like to receive?

If you would like to receive a copy of my full report then please email me email hidden; JavaScript is required.

I have started a new survey at survey monkey. I’d love your help! If you are an Accompanying Partner click here and take the survey. It will take no more than 10 minutes and you will receive a link to a Free Resource: Research Resources and Ideas For People On the Move.

This sense of ‘who am I’ can translate into negative self talk.

Mary thinks she’d be happy if she could just change her weight, her looks and then meet some good friends. Sean believes that he’s an okay person except for certain personality traits that come to the fore when he is home alone with the kids such as impatience and his quick temper. Jane thinks life will improve dramatically when they feel a bit more stable and she is able to invest time in some personal development, perhaps even return to some kind of work – it’s tough when everyone back home thinks she lives such a privileged and easy life abroad.

Of course these sentiments are not restricted to people who live abroad after all who doesn’t believe that with a little tweaking, we could be self-helped to just short of perfection? But, the problem for many is that all the books, self-improvement tips and positive affirmations don’t seem to make us any happier. Worst of all, the minute we “fix” one ugly piece of ourselves, another nasty monster rears it head and starts screaming for attention.

When does self-help become self-hell? What would happen if we simply started by realizing how wonderful we already are?

As the pioneering psychologist Carl Rogers once wrote, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”

“Believing that something is wrong with us is a deep and tenacious suffering,” writes Tara Brach, in her book, Radical Acceptance. “The more we anxiously tell ourselves stories about how we might fail or what is wrong with us or with others, the more we deepen the grooves—the neural pathways—that generate feelings of deficiency.” She lists common ways people try to manage this pain of inadequacy:

• Anxiously embarking on one self-improvement project after another.
• Holding back and playing it safe rather than risking failure.
• Withdrawing from our experience of the present moment.
• Keeping busy.
• Becoming our own worst critics.
• Focusing on other people’s faults.

“Convinced that we are not good enough, we can never relax,” Brach writes. “We stay on guard, monitoring ourselves for shortcomings. When we inevitably find them, we feel even more insecure and undeserving. We have to try even harder.”

Accepting ourselves does not mean self-indulgence or being passive. Rather it means turning off the shameful, negative, self-loathing tapes within ourselves and just relaxing.

The blaring voices of our culture certainly don’t help, with promises that buying something, owning something, achieving something will make us better people, that success is measured by looks, wealth or possessions. A healthier life finds deeper meaning and greater satisfaction in self-love, compassion, intuition, taking responsibility and forgiveness (particularly of ourselves).

Sometimes it is our so-called faults that can actually lead us to a healthier life. Pioneering psychologist Carl Jung called it our “shadow side,” that part in all of us we are ashamed of and that we often reject. Understanding and accepting that shadow side can lead to enormous freedom and self-acceptance.

Science and research has revealed much about what we can and cannot change about ourselves, according to Martin Seligman, Ph.D., author and Director of Clinical Training in Psychology at the University of Pennsylvania. “Some of what does change is under your control, and some is not,” he writes in his book, What You Can Change and What You Can’t: The Complete Guide to Self-Improvement.

Seligman lists some characteristics that are easier to change, such as everyday anxiety, specific phobias, panic, anger and certain beliefs about life. He advises people to discard the notion of changing that which hurts the most (for example, your extra weight) and instead concentrating on those parts of yourself that will respond most successfully to your efforts to change them (for example, your shyness or impatience with your spouse).

In the end, all the energy we put out to change ourselves may just take us back to where we started—to ourselves. And if we can truly accept ourselves as we are, that’s the best place to be.

Six Ways to Love Yourself

1. Stop criticizing yourself. When you criticize yourself, your changes are negative. When you approve of yourself, your changes are positive.

2. Be gentle with yourself. Praise yourself and support yourself.

3. Love your negatives. Acknowledge that they fulfilled a need and now you don’t need them anymore.

4. Take care of yourself. Take care of your body in the ways that please you.

5. Know that you possess strengths that are energizing and mean that you can fulfill your true potential.

6. Do it now. Don’t wait until you get well, or get sick, or lose the weight or get the new job or the new relationship. Begin now. And do the best you can.

—from Heal Your Life by Louise Hay

But Challenges dispatched – here we go with the good bits and there must be plenty as expatriates seem to be a resilient bunch, overcoming the challenges to ‘make it work’ with many accepting new challenges of further moves every three or four years.

So what is it that draws people to this life? What keeps them coming back for more? Here are my thoughts, what are yours? Please add them in the comment box below.

Experience new cultures and countries. This starts with the tourist bit and extends to understanding how people’s perspectives, customs, values and beliefs vary around the world. As foreigners we learn how to interact in different ways, to respect that other ways of living are equally as valid and acceptable as our own, possibly even questioning our own behaviours and cultural norms.

International business experience: the elixir of personal development in the business world. Something that more and more companies are looking for, but make sure you make the most of this experience as increasingly organisations are recognising that is it not the ‘time spent abroad’ that counts but a persons ability to relate effectively across cultures. Use your time abroad to develop these skills and you will develop a valuable resource indeed.

Creating a huge multi-national social network Yes this is one of the challenges in the early days of living abroad. But after several moves, when you look back through your address book at the people who become good friends, you will see what a wonderful international mix of friends you have.

But it is not just the number of friends or their geographical spread which is so remarkable. Living abroad means that we do not have access to our normal social support networks. We all desire the love, commitment and support that close friendships can bring and so we naturally seek to develop those relationships in our new locations. These new relationships become deeply supportive and close relationships which often stand the test of time.

Independence and confidence… If you aren’t feeling confident and capable you soon will be! You have to be able to stand on your own two feet. No good shrinking back into your house/apartment and never venturing out, if you are to really ‘live’ during your time abroad you have to get out and get on!

Guaranteed your kids will be ill when your partners away, or you will totally lock yourself out of the apartment/house, or your car will break down in the middle of the busiest highway, and you will have to find a solution – scarily, quickly and independently, and from this process you will realise how capable and resourceful you really are!

Language acquisition – of course a challenge and a benefit, but worth the effort! A recent study that I conducted found that people identified language issues as the number one inhibitor to their successful adaptation. The benefit – well, I only have to listen to my seven year old and see her interacting with her local friends to see what a benefit language acquisition can be in the adaptation process.

Stretch – we all need to be stretched a little and I don’t mean in the physical sense, although of course that’s important as well! I mean the stretch that comes from being put in difficult situations, possibly hell at the time but what as sense of achievement when you come out alive at the other end.

Flexibility, this is not a life for routine lovers, one year is never the same as the last, well rarely at least. I don’t recognise in my life now the sense of monotony I used to feel with my life back home, in fact I sometimes find myself dreaming of some certainty. Whilst I still feel I could work on this aspect of myself, I recognise I do cope with uncertainty and change in a different way to many of my friends back home.

Problem solving skills – oh yes! Always that much more intriguing in a half understood foreign language – but we get through and make it to the other side better for our struggles – what more could we ask for!

Family – So the downside is we leave loved ones behind, is there any upside… and yes I can hear those little chuckles, yep we get to escape the tedious family get-togethers. But joking aside, I know for some this can be a real heart wrenching choice so I do not take it lightly!

The up-side though is that when family visits we get to spend more time than we ever imagined with our immediate family — for a week or two, even a month at a time! Rather than a quick chat over Sunday lunch once a month back home, we are eating every meal together, experiencing the highs and lows life together, they see us in our new environment and gain an understanding about what life really is like for us. For me the family visits are also very special times, something I have really cherished.

Our children – Yes moving them can be extremely hard to handle as their parents. We feel guilt, we worry about how they will they cope and adapt? But for most children adapt they do and they also develop amazing new skills, language skills, flexibility, cultural awareness and the ability to make friends easily.

Creativity – there is even some evidence that living abroad can develop creativity as it opens the mind to looking for more innovative ways to cope with challenges. I’m not going to go into all the research evidence in this article but you can read more about this my clicking on this link

I’m sure I’ve misses many things…

Please add to the comments boxes below.

One of the most often mentioned issues for new expatriates is the loneliness they feel when they first arrive and know no-one.

Yes it would be lovely to simply slip into local life but often it is not so easy. Expatriate/International clubs offer a ‘fill in’ actually no more than that quite often a life- line!

You meet:

• Like minded people.
• People who understand what you are experiencing and who will quickly recognise, sympathise and empathise with your issues.
• A great international environment where you can meet people from many different countries/cultures.
• Activities that often help you learn about the new country and culture and get involved in sports and other leisure related activities.
• Practical advice and help, Doctors, dentists, schooling advice, legal contacts, accommodation advice and contacts….
• A possible new role for a trailing partner as an active member of the club.
• Links back into the local community through charity work etc.

My experience of the International Club in Lisbon, Portugal was amazing. At one time I had Portuguese, Spanish, South African, Japanese, Korean, Dutch, French, American and Chilean friends. Talk about a culturally rich and interesting environment we had some great discussions!

So get out there and get involved!

http://www.Internations.org

There are Internations social groups in many major cities around the world. Often they are a mixture of locals interested in developing international friendships and expatriates.

International Women Groups.
In many of the big cities around the world you will find a group International Womens Group.
For country specific groups, go to one of the expat websites listed below and look under their country listings.

http://www.Expatfocus.com
http://www.Expatwomen.com
http://www.Expatarrivals.com

If you are struggling with the question: Is a life abroad the life for me?
Then come and join my FREE Tele-seminar, Overcoming Your Move Abroad Dilemma, on June 24th at 8pm GMT – a content packed 60 minute session on how to make the best relocation decision – Hope to see you there! click here to sign up!

“things are bad here (politically, economically, even weather wise) I want/wish I could move abroad”

People are even tweeting about their desire to move to a new life abroad. Of course many don’t ever get round to anything more than writing that tweet and I often wonder whether this is down to general inertia or because on closer analysis they realise that the grass is not always – greener!

I believe that any decision to relocate to live abroad needs to be carefully thought through. Of course there can be huge benefits gained by moving abroad but alongside the benefits there can be difficult times and challenges, and then when things go wrong quite sizeable financial and emotional implications.

For some the move abroad proves not to be the right choice, for others the location, job, lifestyle just does not suit them and so they move on. Others settle, but only after a transition period that was more difficult than they initially anticipated.

Often, when I hear about the stories of disappointment or struggle I wonder whether people really thought through the decision before choosing to move abroad. Moving abroad to create a ‘new life’ can seem a very attractive option, people often don’t see or even consider the possible downsides.

Here are some questions to get you thinking about whether a move abroad really is the right thing for you.

If your answers are predominantly positive then moving to live abroad may really be the life for you!

1. What do you want to achieve by moving abroad
2. What do you feel a new life abroad will mean for you?
3. What do you want your new life abroad to be like?
4. What are your criteria for your new location?
5. Are you thinking about moving abroad forever or for a specific period of time?
6. How do you feel about leaving family and friends behind?
7. How tolerant and open-minded are you when it comes to living in a culture that has beliefs and values that are different to your own?
8. What strengths do you possess that you feel would be a real asset when relocating abroad?
9. How flexible are you as a person?
10. How good are you at searching out and then making new friends?
11. What will you most miss about your life at home, how do you feel about that?
12. How would you survive financially?
13. Would you be happy to work in another country and culture?
14. How do you feel about the job search that this could entail?
15. How much time and effort are you prepared to devote to your job search?
16. What strengths, skills and abilities do you have that would be attractive to a prospective employer in your chosen location?
17. If you have a partner and/or children, how do they feel about the idea of moving abroad?
18. What are your childrens educational needs, how will you be able to best meet them?
19. How resourceful are you?
20. Where could you find support and encouragement to help you as you work to make this all happen?

If you are struggling with the question: Is a life abroad the life for me?
Then my Relocation Decision Making 30 Day Intensive Programme is just what you need! Access the programme details by clicking here. OR fill in my contact form by clicking on the tab Your Next Step above.

If you would be happy to share your experiences and what you have learnt from relocating abroad then please contact me email hidden; JavaScript is required

I loved the lifestyle, the long lunches, the late dinners, tapas – oh yes!, the loud chatter of the locals ‘discussions”, the music, the roar of the Bernabeu stadium (we lived a stones throw away), the late shopping, the summer, Segovia, La Granja (I still have some fabulous paintings from there), the Guadarama Mountains (our weekend escapes especially in the hot hot summer! I could go on and on…… We had some great years.

But it wasn’t all plain sailing. I had given up my career in the UK to follow my husband there. I did this only after a year of soul searching and weekend commuting so it wasn’t a snap decision – certainly not! I went into it with my eyes wide open, I knew what I was giving up, I knew overall what I was gaining, I had certainly experienced Madrid, well as a tourist at least!

So what wasn’t plain sailing?

Well, first the language, yes I took courses, infact a very serious one at the University. But I had no-one to practise on and so ‘putting it into action’ was difficult. The other students on the course were all much younger than me, in their late teens, I felt like their grandma in comparison. So as well as not making great strides with the language I didn’t make many friends either. And because my language was poor my meetings with my husbands colleagues were miserable lonely affairs, I didn’t understand and didn’t want to make a fool of myself so I just shut up, the consequence, I made no friends and it all became a rather sad circular story!

So after six months I had no friends, I was lonely, bored, home alone and rapidly losing my self confidence. I had gone from being a successful, confident training manager in the UK to a stay at home foreign wife!

But just as I was really beginning to despair of ever making any friends someone suggested I join the Madrid expat organisation. Initially I was horrified, I hand’t moved to Madrid to mix with other people like me I had come to learn about Spain and meet Spanish people, to speak the language. But I went along and never looked back. I made some friends, I began to feel normal again, I signed up for a Teaching English as a Foreign Language course at International House and went on to run my own ‘small’ language business.

So why tell you all of this?

I relocated to Madrid pre-internet. I was very naive, I had never lived outside of my home country before. I had no idea what challenges I might face. I equally had no idea what and where to look for the solutions.

I want to help others in a similar situation avoid or minimise the affects of the challenges presented by moving abroad, and find timely and effective solutions. I have my experience to draw on but would love to hear about other peoples’ experiences as well; their challenges and the advice they would give new arrivals.

If you are an expatriate with an experience to share, and can spare 30 minutes of your time to offer the benefit of your experience and advice to people just starting out on their lives abroad, then please contact me, email hidden; JavaScript is required

I have been asked to write a series of articles based on a number of interviews for a wesbite called http://www.khiruna.com

The articles will be placed on the website and will be available for anyone visiting the site to enjoy.

I have posted a list of interview questions here. I look forward to hearing from you.

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If you are struggling with the question: Is a life abroad the life for me?

Then come and join my FREE Tele-seminar, Overcoming Your Move Abroad Dilemma, on June 24th at 8pm GMT – a content packed 60 minute session on how to make the best relocation decision – Hope to see you there! click here to sign up!